Whispers.

i want to talk about social media.

we need to stop believing what it's telling us. stop letting it all in. all its shouting and screaming and ringing in our ears. it's too much for us to take.

stop thinking what others show you is genuinely them. we are not who we craft ourselves to be in front of the world.

who we are is who we become in the dark, alone. not the person projected on that screen. a screen so bright it hurts our eyes. 

social media provides us with a sea of people at our fingertips, yet makes us feel so alone. more alone than we care to admit.

because to say that you are sad for not having been here or invited there would mean admitting that a picture behind a bright screen can bother us. but it does, and that's okay. it makes sense that it bothers us.

social media makes escape impossible. 

it makes healing take longer. 

it makes us feel inadequit, overthink things, try to be a perfect version of ourselves. it's not healthy. 

yet, we want more. and more. and more. we miss deadlines, delay homework, fail to make conversations at dinner, because our phones demand attention.

we want to see what you are doing and thinking and we want others to know the same about us. in every way possible. 

twitter, instagram, facebook, snapchat, vine, blogs, youtube, whatever.

we want people to like us. we want people to see us and comment and see that we're okay without them. we're doing great, just look at all these photos of us smiling and doing fun things. we're making it.

but in the dark, alone, that is not who we are. 

i miss my friends. i am hurting a lot. but i make very sure that who i am alone, in the dark, is not who you see behind that painfully bright screen.

seeing what you do without me bothers me. seeing you happy when i know you're hurting bothers me. knowing you were scrolling past me bothers me. seeing the photos but not knowing the stories bothers me.

i always used to know the stories. 

why didn't you like that? did you see how happy i was? did you see how skinny i am now? i stopped eating just so you would think that. now i'm bad again. and i'm scared to tell anyone i've gotten bad again because it would shatter the illusion of happiness i've created. all because of that little button i want you to press. 

all of you. 

but you don't exist. we aren't even living in the same world. we never talk to these people, so why do we care?

there is all this noise when i log into social media. my phone is my worst enemy, bringing more pain and frustration than any actions or real words could ever do.

i think a lot of people feel this way. not everyone, of course, but a lot.

but we love it. 

god, we love it so much. 

the thought of just turning it all off gives us so much anxiety. 

you think you're fine with it, that you don't even care - but why can't you stop checking it for even two minutes? why can't you live in the real world. live in the moment, for godsakes! 



​i lived in the moment once and i cried. 

i had never felt so happy.

so i'm taking a break
from the world behind the screen.
i'm going to push away all its shouts.
i'm going to listen to the birds and the whispers of the wind through the trees.
i'm going to talk to real people and do real things for myself.
i'm going to clear my head and my mind. 
it's a new year.
time for a new heart.

thank you for reading, 
amanda lucille.

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song of the day:

"whispers" by passenger